Happy Chanukah from Your Friendly #CluelessChristian

Two #menorahs… That’s how #maryland does #chanukah. #thirdnight

I love Chanukah more than most non-Jews I know. I really can’t help it. There is so much tradition!

Who doesn’t love a good Fiddler on the Roof blog break?

Anyway, I also love Chanukah because there are candles, there is singing, there is family and there is great food. Do you really need much more to make a great holiday?

Answer: No. No you don’t.

Let me draw your attention back to the food:

Two cheeses and grainy-delicious crackers, kugul, tuna cakes, black bean cakes, latkas with appleasauce AND sour cream and saltines. Unpictured: taco salad (meatless, natch), kosher wine from Chile (my contribution, duh), an array of desserts that would make your blood sugar rise, and other things I cannot remember at this moment.

Our good family friends R and B always invite us #CluelessChristians to celebrate the major Jewish holidays with them. Actually, they invite us to celebrate all the Jewish holidays with them. We joke all the time that I celebrate more Jewish holidays than my Jewish friends. I take great pride in this.

You know who also takes pride in her Chanukah? Tillie the miniature schnauzer:

Happy Chanukah to you, Miss Tillie.

How cute is she? She has a sister, Goldie (not pictured), and the two of them love having guests over. I like to think it’s because they love me, but really, they love food, and guests means dinner at the dining room table… which means that when people get up from their chairs, they can get onto them. When they get on the chairs, they get better access to all the food. ALL THE FOOD. #SchnauzerWin

This year, Tillie behaved herself and just watched the food. Other years and other holidays… we haven’t been so lucky. But she’s cute, so she gets away with it.

The cutest latkes platter you ever did see.

Upon closer examination of the food spread, you’ll note the adorable latkes platter. I. Was. Obsessed. I can’t really tell you why. I think it’s because the little figures on it looked so friendly, and because the man was holding a fiddle. See previous Fiddler on the Roof obsession mentioned above. One of my twitter/instagram (but not real life, because that would be weird… jk!) friends commented on my instagram, “Those guys are adorable! Who are they? #cluelesschristian” and I only wish I knew the answer. Jewish readers: Are they actual figures that represent something, or are they just meant to be cute?

Anyway, the meal concluded with many, many sweets… but this one was my favorite for obvious, chocolate-chip based reasons:

chocolate chip Chanukah cake

Look, I’m not terribly religious – if religious at all – but if you’re asking me to convert to Judiasm… you got it. Based on Latkes Larry, Hanukkah Harry, and the adorable latkes platter alone.

Happy Chanukah!

My Three Holiday Staple Foods

Trying not to gain weight during the holidays is a big, fat, stupid waste of time. Even Ali on the Run agrees with me. (Like Ali – If I see one more “how to eat in moderation during the holidays” post I’ll cut someone. Or disapprovingly shake my finger. Which ever seems less brutal.)

Me? I’m just trying to maintain as I head towards my very first half marathon. (*hyperventilating, hyperventilating, breathe, breathe, breathe*)

One would probably intuitively think that this strategy requires a bucket-load of veggies, less alcohol, and an emphasis on lean protein… But for me, it seems like a diet heavy with the three things below seems to do the trick.

(I’m Chilean, so I can break it down en español whenever I feel like it. THOSE ARE THE RULES.)

NUMERO UNO: West Soy‘s Chocolate and Peppermint Soy Beverage (Can we all agree it’s really a soy milk? Ok good.)

I cannot even begin to tell you how delicious this “soy beverage” is. I dread getting up in the morning these days (so! cold!) but as soon as my foggy brain remembers I can throw some of this magic potion into my morning coffee, I literally (yes, literally) leap out of bed and high-tail it downstairs to get the chocolate and peppermint going.

And don’t think for a second this doesn’t qualify as junk food: it’s filled with added sugar and flavors. Ain’t nuthin’ natural about it. But the junk food guy and I agree… it’s delicious.

I’ve been drinking about two venti-sized iced coffees with this mixed in since last Saturday.

NUMERO DOS: Italian food (preferably at Graffiato, when possible)

Those are all my plates – I have no idea what the other ladies (LM, DW, CK) ordered. Just kidding… but only sorta. The food at Graffiato has yet to disappoint. And the last time I was there, DC and Baltimore had just had an uncharacteristic earthquake, so clearly I was weak and in need of comfort (in the form of prosecco-on-tap).

But seriously, I think all of my meals for the past week have involved Italian food and flavors. Carb-loading this far out for the half is not typically advised, but it’s working for me so I’m going to roll with it.

NUMERO TRES: Pizza (from Angelo’s, if at all possible)

Hands down, the worst decision I made a week or two ago was to order a (large) Angelo’s pizza and freeze all but two pieces to consume at a later date. CLEARLY I thought that gave me free reign to eat close to a piece a day. And have another (half of a) slice tonight for dinner after taking in the beautiful Christmas lights in Hampden.

You can’t tell from the pizza picture, but their slices are redonkulously enormous. I could have honestly shared it with three other people. But instead I kept it all for myself, ate about half, then lugged it home only to trash. Still… pizza! Nearly every day for a week and I’m still maintaining not gaining.

Win?

Absolutely.

In summation, I say “bah humbug” to depriving one’s self during the holidays. Eat in moderation, but enjoy yourself and work out hard to keep it in balance.

(I can say this because I am in no way a health professional, nutritionist, trainer, or otherwise knowledgeable person on food and nutrition. So you can’t believe a word I say. In fact, you probably gained weight reading this post. You’re welcome.)

Gift Guide: For Your Great Aunt Nadine who Drinks National Bohemian (Natty Bo!) from the Can and Wears Holiday Sweaters Un-Ironically

I have no relation to this person... maybe.

I love shopping for – what my mom likes to call – nick nacks. And for me, Urban Outfitters is the place for just that. Plus, it’s cheap, inspired, unique, and often-funny. Here are some items that have been tickling my fancy:

Cats Bandages, Because Cats Scratch

Cats Bandages, $7.

Sailboat Earrings, Because She Lives By the Harbor & Likes to Sail

On A Boat Posts, $12.

Poodle Tumbler, for the Uptight Stage Mom

Best In Show Tumbler, $4.99

Crab Earrings, Because Once You Go Crab, You Never Go Back

We Dream In Colour Sea Life Earrings, $14.99

Reindeer Shower Cap, Because She Already Has A Duck & Frog Version

Shower Caps, $6.

Owl Ring, 'Cause She's Always Looking Around for Something

Owl Ring, $16.

Straight No Chaser: The 12 Days of Christmas

A cappella at its greatest:

I freakin’ love these guys. I even blogged about them roughly this time last year. They’re just down-right full of vim and vigour and have pizzazz flying out of the mouths each and every time they perform this holiday hit.

What a treat.

Do yourself a favor and put it on repeat. I did, and it’s making all the difference in my day.

You can learn all about the group on the website – do stop by. You can hear some other songs they perform, follow them on facebook, twitter, and myspace, and take all sorts of new-media actions. Which, natch, I was all over.

Rifle Paper Co. Makes Me Giggle

If everyone else is doing it… I probably should too, right?

I’m talking about the new online shop that Anna from Rifle Paper Co. just opened up. I first read about her on A Cup of Jo, but her new online store was exulted by Design*Sponge, Oh Joy!, and Creature Comforts to name very few… so naturally, I had to hop on over and check her out.

WOW. Obsessed.

And two purchases later…

…  I’m smitten.