How to Throw a Johnny Weir Party

Oh yes! Yes! Yes! I wish I’d read this sooner because, even though my studio apartment is filled with moving boxes, bare walls, and DUST (Johnny would SO NOT APPROVE), I would have made it happen. I’m in the market for new furniture, after all.

H/t to SW and her bff KH for the head’s up and – of course – Stickers and Donuts for the inspiration:

Although he may be ranked sixth after Tuesday’s Olympics men’s short, Johnny Weir is easily the most entertaining competitor in men’s skating.  For those of you unfamiliar with him, Johnny is like the product of what would happen if Lady Gaga and Patrick Wolf had a baby that flew out of the womb with ice skates.  If my visual is unsatisfactory, please watch the video of his short here.  Yes, those are pink tassels.

How to Throw a Johnny Weir Party

How to Throw a Johnny Weir Party

And it gets better:

In honor of this innovative luminary with unbridled creativity and glitter (literally), I decided to cover quintessential components to the perfect Johnny Weir Party.  My actions are extremely timely, as the MEN’S FREE SKATE IS TONIGHT.  I highly encourage you to watch and throw your own little Johnny Weir party.  Although the possibility that he will medal is slim, at least you will have a fine time celebrating Johnny Weir.

Yes, folks, that’s right. Men’s free skate is tonight… and I can hardly wait. My coworkers probably can’t wait, either… I fear they might be tired of me preaching the Johnny Weir gospel. Oh well.

Back to the party, here’s a sample of their suggested attire:

ATTIRE

1. FACT: Johnny likes to wear shiny things.  THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE WHERE IT IS APPROPRIATE TO WEAR AN AMERICAN APPAREL METALLIC BODYSUIT (with an even more inappropriate zipper!) NECESSARY ADDENDUM: Johnny also designs his own sparkly onesies, so you should take the creative liberty to further sparkle up your metallic bodysuit. Shiny Zipper-Front Bodysuit in Champagne from American Apparel, $45

World Championships 2006 from Johnny Weir Online

World Championships 2006 from Johnny Weir Online

2. Shiny star leggings  to avoid an inappropriate crotch reveal if your quadruple lutz living room impersonations go sour.  Printed Shiny Leggings from American Apparel, $46

3. FACT: Johnny has been criticized for wearing fur.  Silver Indigo Fox All Fur Pill Box Hat from Fur Hat World, $250

4.  Face and body glitter!  Make Up Forever Glitters from Sephora, $13

5. Even more glitter! Urban Decay Heavy Metal Glitter Liner from Sephora, $18

It won’t shock  you to learn that I already own two of the items above. Not telling which two.

Please head over to the original post to read it in its full, Johnny-Weir glory. It’s soooooooooo worth it.

Be good Johnny Weir! You knocked ’em dead in the short program, now it’s time to make those judges speechless.

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6 thoughts on “How to Throw a Johnny Weir Party

  1. Thank you so much for you detailed dissection of my Johnny Weir ideas.

    So here’s a sad bit/confession: I don’t know anyone in Chicago who appreciates Johnny Weir as much as I do, and I don’t own a TV in my current apartment (oh I can’t wait to move on Sunday). I CAN’T EVEN HAVE MY OWN JOHNNY WEIR PARTY, but I’m considering going to a bar and watching it instead.

  2. Tricia – I cannot believe that you will be denied your own Johnny Weir party after your brilliant work detailing said party.

    You must go out and find a bar to watch Sir Johnny Weir. Pinkie promise!

  3. An updated dedicated only to you molllytics, I watched it with a TV-owning friend Thursday night, and was a weeping willow when he was, yet again, underscored (but extremely so this time).

  4. What they did to Johnny Weir was a travesty. I drowned my sorrows with lemon drop martinis, angel food cake, and Lady Gaga.

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